How to Deal With a Spouse That Overspends

Marriage is hard. Anyone who tells you that marriage isn’t hard probably has never been married. But there are a handful of things in marriage that are extra, extra hard; and if you or your spouse don’t know how to successfully communicate on these topics then you will probably need some couples therapy sooner or later.

Money is one of those topics. Financial issues are a source of strain on any family; but it can be especially difficult when one spouse doesn’t seem to understand the value of the almighty dollar. The wife’s focus is saving for a home while the husband’s great ambition is to purchase that flatscreen TV – or maybe two TVs. Heck, might as well buy the new boat while he’s at it. And what’s a boat without a new set of fishing gear?

So, what is the appropriate response when someone that you love and live with cannot stay within the budget?

In theory, when two people marry they love each other and know they will need to work together to resolve any sources of friction that come up over the years. If your spouse is a big spender, you can use that affection and understanding that your spouse wants to reach an agreement where you are both happy to your advantage.

The first step is to simply express your feelings. “When you buy a flatscreen TV, it makes me feel like you don’t care about saving for our future home.” As with anything else in a marriage, communication is key.

Secondly, it’s helpful to actually balance the checkbook together. Often, one member of the family becomes the designated “budgeter” – but in a marriage where one person is more thrifty than the other, it can eye-opening if both spouses manage the finances together. The man who’s lusting after his boat may realize – for the first time – that his wife doesn’t make quite as much money as he thought. The wife who impulsively buys Tupperware in bulk may be faced with the reality of their monthly electric bill. Talking about money in a marriage may initially bring about stress , but in the end it allows both spouses to make informed and rational decisions about their finances. Suddenly the wife’s frugal living tips seem more intriguing to her wasteful husband; and the shopaholic wife considers checking out the cheaper supermarket next time she goes out for groceries.

Lastly, if a spouse goes beyond “overspending” and teeters into the realm of “dangerous shopping binge” then maybe some couples therapy isn’t such a bad idea. Someone who can’t say no to a new pair of shoes probably has deeper issues lurking beneath the surface. Shopping can be an addiction like anything else. If your spouse does seem to spend an inordinate amount of time watching the Home Shopping Network, it may be a good time to discuss counseling.

And – like balancing the budget together – therapy may not be a bad idea. Money issues may seem like the way to make or break a marriage, but in the end, dealing with these things can only make a couple stronger.